At the Funeral
by Treebrooke
Summary: Thirty years Sir Integra is at the funeral of the only man she ever loved. Of course everything seems to go to hell in a hand-basket, between the appearance of Iscariot, and her daughters weird religious beliefs. Extremely AU. One shot.


I do not own Hellsing, I make no money from this. Please review (insert puppy eyes here).

It was a bitter day, cold enough to see your breath. However not cold enough to change the torrential down pour into snow. The perfect day for a funeral; especially when the person buried was someone you loved. Sir Integra looked at the coffin and the man inside it. Part of her longed to bend down and give him a kiss, but they had not even gone that far in life. Never gone beyond hand-holding, even though they had raised seven children together. They had adopted of course, and he wasn't around much due to his career choice, but they were a family. Well had been anyway. The entire relationship was a secret, she would have never dreamed thirty years ago that this was even possible. She wanted to let out a laugh so cynical it would have startled Alucard (Wherever the hell _he _was), not even Shakespeare could have fathomed such a love. She sorely hoped whoever had come up with such an outlandish scheme had royally enjoyed themselves. Sir Integra checked her watched and sighed, the children had inherited their father's punctuality. As she waited she couldn't help but wonder why God had come up with her sexless love with Alexander Anderson.

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Sir Integra head a car in the distance, then footsteps. She turned to see the whole of Iscariot behind her, she reached for her gun. "Mother stop," Sir Integra turned to see her oldest son Lukas, he sighed and continued, " I invited them." Sir Integra gave her son one of her famous glares. "I felt they deserved to be here Mother. I told them when I joined anyway." Sir Integra's glare got if possible more venomous. "YOU DID WHAT?!" She bellowed. "Mother please, now _really_ isn't the time. I just fight monsters if that's what you're worried about. I'd thought about going into the clergy for a long time. I talked to both of you about this, and I feel that joining Iscariot was a good way to honor him." She looked at her son so much like his father, then gave him a hug as the tears began to fall. Just then Maxwell came across the grass of the cemetery looked at his student being hugged by the head of Hellsing all the pieces fell together and the man collapsed to the ground.

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After the ambulance left a hoard of people came across the grass. Her children and grandchildren, God they bred like rabbits. From the four children who had married she had fourteen grandchildren. Sir Integra glanced at the married group again, at least three more on the way; what was this a competition? She then caught sight of her youngest a nineteen-year old named Miranda, who was unmarried and about four months along "Miranda," she barked. "Yes mother?" the girl said looking as though she would cry. Sir Integra pulled the girl into a hug "It's alright." "What am I going to do I thought I could handle it but…" A sob escaped the girl "Shhh, it's alright. You can move back home and I'll handle it." "Really?" Miranda sniffed. "Really, there's a room near yours that would be a good nursery. Now how about you go ask your sisters for parenting advice." "Ok." With that the girl went over to her sisters and sisters-in-law who began fawning over her. Sir Integra smiled and began to count the children with the feeling she was missing one. The first ones she checked were the twins Arianna and Alexander they were sitting near their spouses with Miranda sandwiched between them looking slightly green. "Knock it off." Sir Integra snapped. Both twins looked guilty, Miranda looked relived. Sir Integra rolled her eyes, lets see Lukas, Twins, where was Sunny? Oh, there she was. What the hell was she doing? "Sunny! Put your Father's body down!" she barked utterly shocked that the girl had picked Alexander's body up, and had begun to take it out of the cemetery. Sunny looked her mother dead in the face and said, "It's against my religion to burry the dead, Mother." "What?" "Burying Father is against my religion." "WHAT?!?" "Well, I believe you can't burry or burn the dead." "Then what on God's earth do _you_ suggest we do then?" The venom was dripping from Sir Integra's voice. "Well we have to build a wooden platform and place him on it." "_Then_ _what?_" "Well nothing, we just leave him up there." "WE ARE _NOT_ LEAVING YOUR FATHER'S BODY TO ROT AND BE PICKED AT BY SCAVENGERS." "But it's against my religion t…" "LAST WEEK YOU WERE BHUDDIST!" "Not anymore." "SUNNY!" "What, you and Father always said you love us no matter what religion we were." "WE MEANT DENOMINATION!" "Fine Mother I'll sit over there and pray for your souls." Sir Integra, rubbed her temples, and began to count the children again while ignoring Sunny's chanting. Lukas, Twins, Jane, Sunny, Miranda, Ok Mark's wife and children were here why was he missing? As if in answer the idiot son in question came staggering through the cemetery reeking of whiskey with a bullet wound in his shoulder. Sir Integra shouted for what felt like the thousandth time that day. "FOR GOD'S SAKE MARK WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?!" Mark drunkenly grinned at her "Well Mother," he said with a slur, "I was drinking, then there were theses ghouls, a vampire, and I woke up in a gutter perfectly fine except for my shoulder." "JUST SIT DOWN DAMN IT! YOUR FATHER SHOULD HAVE BEEN BURRIED FORTY-FIVE MINUETS AGO!!" At this point an all to familiar voice came from behind her "Master, exactly what is going on here?" At which point Sir Integra let out a scream that was probably heard on the other side of London.


End file.
